Prior to being called off to an uncomfortable, strange and negative environment, I suffered from a phenomenon I can only describe as “What the heck am I doing? and Why the heck am I doing it? Moment”, for a couple of weeks. I was losing my balance which I consider an essential part of my make up. Being out of my regular, comfortable realm of thinking left me questioning so many things including my art and writing. Questioning my purpose and how that purpose fit in with goals and happiness. This was an all-inclusive question but detailed out into increments that left no room for manoeuvring.
I decided I needed to go to the source or in my case the sources and ask for a sign that all was well, would be well and everything was the way it was supposed to be and (very importantly) that I was doing my part properly. This was a huge favour that I was asking. It was also a very important one. My relationship with God is not as I would wish it to be. I am angry with a couple of biggies and although I am not casting blame I still can’t shake the anger so it was important to me to add in whole and in parts the Universe and my Angels so as not to cast doubt in God once more. My reckoning was that if I included three entities and receive my ‘sign’ then not knowing which was the ‘one’ that made it happen would be the best scenario.
The greatest part is I received a response to my exact questions and no longer feel the need to visit this subject again. Testing – testing 1,2,3,4,5,6,7 … will no longer exist. I know and I am sure and that is a wonderful freeing feeling.
During poetry month I had entered a poetry writing competition sponsored by –
The sparkle on the lake has lost its splendour
Gnarly hands that held the pen
Through this writer`s frigid nights
Absorbing, retreating, relieving from arthritic joints
As sunlight fills again
Warming words and page and ink alike
Playing softly into dusk`s hour
Springing life into the struggling
Writings of the scripter.
Filling, feeling, telling the joys
Of tulips, crocus, daffodils
It`s spring time in the yard
Alors mon dieu, je dit merci!
Encore une fois. Encore.
Longfellow himself would not have had a chance to win this competition let alone all of the other entry participants. They were up against the Universe, Angels and God and me. The Fix was in – I received notification that I had won the PEN! but of course the pen was secondary to the win. I had won a much greater prize. I had won faith in myself and in my beliefs. The Pen which will arrive this week will always and forever be a reminder of that faith. It is more than a simple pen. It is a sign.
Do I feel bad about cheating? No. Perhaps a little selfish would be a better way of stating how I feel but I am so happy at this moment to embrace some selfishness.
Here is the gorgeous fountain pen I have to look forward to working with very shortly. It is a BEAUTE manufactured by Graf von Faber-Castell – Guilloche!!
The Pen Company has been an absolute pleasure to deal with. It is a family run business that has a physical location in Hitchin, Hertfordshire UK and is poised to begin fulfilling world wide orders in the upcoming days. Their site is full of every type of pen imaginable and they run regular contests if anyone is interested. They can be found on Facebook and Twitter as well as through their Blog and Website.
Naturally, I am expecting great writings to flow from my new pen and very excited at the prospect. Anyone who knows me, knows that writing and art supplies really motivate and energise me. I think this stems from my relationship with my father when I was very young. We shared a passion for creativity and staplers 🙂 to say the least… He would have loved the Pen.