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Amen, Baptism, Catholic Church, ceremony, Christ, creative non-fiction, Funeral, god, Holy Spirit, Holy Trinity, introspection, Jesus, mourning, Prayer, Stained glass, Trinity
My peaceful thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the priest biting down on what appeared to be the outer edge of a sheet of communion hosts. I wondered whose job it was to pop them all out on the off hours. It struck me as a strange thing to question during my mother-in-law’s funeral service but I forgave myself the deviation from my state of mourning. I was simply fascinated by the sight of him chewing and by the echo of the crunching noise bouncing off the wall of the sparsely filled church. It felt sacrilegious. The host was the body of Christ. No teeth were ever to be in contact as far as my recollection went. It was to be placed on the tongue, moistened by wine and left to dissolve slowly while in prayer. The priest drank and chewed as though he had not eaten any breakfast.
Do as I say; not as I do.
Although the service was in Italian, a language of which I am familiar but not fluent by any means, the prompt of him taking communion alerted me that the congregation of mourners would soon follow in the ritual. The sun chose this time to filter though the huge panes of stained glass, scattering and filtering across the shiny marble alter. If anyone missed those rays, they may have missed out on a sign from heaven, I thought. The church must have been built in the sixties as it was decidedly modern; perhaps even ground breaking in its day for its simplicity and progressive design. I thought the engineers must have taken into consideration the late morning sun when they chose to build the entire back wall of massive strips of angled, coloured glass.
For a fleeting moment which then turned into a lingering moment, I was transported back twenty-two years. The same people filled the front pew save the one who was placed in her casket, in the center aisle of the church beside her beloved husband of fifty-six years.
Then though it was a time of joy and celebration; the baptism of what was to be my only child. The same people were present but in an Anglican church which was smaller with beautiful traditional stained glass windows filtering the light. The same Father, the same Son and the same Holy Spirit were in attendance. The Holy Trinity that I never fully understood even with hours of tutoring by the Anglican priest.
“So, now does it make sense to you that the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost are in fact one and separately God?” He seemed to implore me with his eyes to agree.
“No, I can’t seem to reach that conclusion with you but …” my voice trailed off while I thought of an appropriate way to make it up to him that his teachings had not convinced me. “I’ll try to figure it out before the Christening. I’m sure I will get it by then!” It sounded weak, even to my own ears but it was all I had. Was I to lie to him?
So, there we sat. The babies had been splashed ceremoniously with holy water, the prayers completed and the communion part of the celebration on queue to be next.
I stood, glancing over my left shoulder waiting for the rest to follow. As I let my eyes trail to the end of the pew I noticed their eyes facing forward collectively in what I took to mean a silent protest. The purposeful act slapped my face as sure as the hand of an angry father. I proceeded alone to take the body of Christ, drink his blood from the silver chalice and let the body slowly and deliberately melt.
But that was then and this was now.
Do as I say; not as I do.
Today, it was up to me to be a bigger person and so I stood and walked with the others single file, accepting my host with the tiny embossed cross on its surface. There was no silver chalice to drink from. No wine, no blood offered. I supposed that AIDS, herpes and other communicable diseases had infiltrated the Catholic church at some point over the last couple of decades. Maybe some of the diseases had spread like wild fire amongst the priests themselves, the altar boys and settled into the congregation. What a monumental change in what is a staunch religion and what a quiet one too.
Do as I say; not as I do.
Me and my host, Jesus Christ himself, kneeled praying and then against all that I thought I had come to believe I touched my forehead, my heart, my right shoulder and my left ending my prayer with, “In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, Amen.”
Tears welled and flowed freely for the first time since her passing and I sobbed not knowing the real reason why and so feeling decidedly selfish about my emotions. My thoughts screamed because I knew that my control which I had so preciously protected had been lost and it would be so difficult to recover. And in my mind the line again surfaced reminding me of my upbringing – do as I say; not as I do.
This is a work of creative non-fiction.
Lesley Fletcher is a writer (freelance, books, content, lyrics, stage plays) as well as a visual artist with a concentration in monoprints. To learn more about her please visit the tabs here on WordPress or her website at http://www.LesleyFletcher.com
Eloquently written, excellent article. Thanks for sharing, Lesley.
In Hinduism, the concept of Trinity also exists, and is commonly known as Trimurati. This concept of Trimurti is essentially the unity of three cosmic functions of creation, maintenance, and destruction. These cosmic functions are personified and represented in three forms: Brahma the generator or creator, Vishnu the organizer or preserver and Shiva the destroyer or transformer.
I also have another thought that perhaps the word GOD represents these three cosmic functions in the three letters: Generation, Organization, and Destruction. It’s just a thought, and it’s possible that the word GOD was probably not created with such intent, and yet it incorporates three cosmic functions of Supreme Power that governs our Universe.
Best Wishes!
-Deo
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That is a really interesting observation! Thanks so much for the mini education in Hinduism. I find that most religions hold the same concepts for their followers – ones that include holding others of this earth dear. Humanity as a whole, when they can accept this notion of harmony, will live with much more peace in their hearts.
My best to you also.
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I agree totally. Thanks.
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you surely transported every reader into that church, streaming sunshine, stained glass and wafer-crunching priest and all! thanks for a beautiful post. z
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Thanks Z – good to see you! Hope you have all up and running now. I know you have been through the mill and so I appreciate (even more) you coming by.
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Hi Lesley! will try again – the comment I wrote 5 minutes ago was not accepted. Just to say thank you for this beautifully written post, evocation of both life and death and much more. My corpuscles are expanding, thank you ..
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Hi Susan – So much trouble for you to get a comment in or receive them Thanks so much for trying twice. I generally copy my comment prior to posting now. Sorry to hear about your corpuscles 😀 (jokes).
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I love it when my corpuscles expand! it means when I feel them expanding! that I have been touched. So you don’t have to feel sorry for me on that score!
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It was Dr. Freud at work through my subconscious for sure (decease/disease) haha! That’s my story anyway.
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and Susan – I very much appreciate my spelling being corrected. Sometimes I wonder if my sister was right when she claimed I had a paper-back vocabulary!
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Tis just that one that was a bit glary. It didn’t detract in any way from the lovely prose. 🙂 🙂
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Leslie, like your observations and yes indeed, how the Catholic church has changed. Can’t help ponder on the quote from Socrates “an un-examined life is not worth living” which can be applied also to the teachings of the Catholic church. I guess we all eventually find our own ways of seeking and giving comfort.
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The search continues for those who need that examination Socrates (brilliantly) spoke of. Thanks for coming by Donna.
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That was a fascinating, beautifully written story Lesley, you held me from the first word to the last.
Deeply moving with so many layers of meaning, so many shades of emotion… I’m going back to read it again…
Lovely post thank you
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Dear Valerie, I am happy to have given you thoughts to ponder. I agree that the layers are quite deep and have returned a couple of times to it myself. Thanks so much for your praise.
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Beautifully written. Thanks so much.
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I thank you Jane – Have a wonderful weekend.
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You too Lesley. I really enjoyed your post. Thanks. 🙂
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“My thoughts screamed because I knew that my control which I had so preciously protected had been lost and it would be so difficult to recover.”
What beautiful profound words Les. I felt you nailed my feelings right on. I like your search for understanding the Holy Trinity. As a child I was fascinated with the ‘Holy Ghost’ part (before they changed the name – I had no fear of that Ghost because of the Holy Ghost – he was a good guy to my little mind). But as an adult -possibly because of that ritual of the sign of the cross and how your thoughts jump around – I feel I understand the Holy Trinity much better. Excellent thoughts and a wonderful article.
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Thanks Mary. I have found many people are blind followers of the trinity but have no problem with that and don’t see any hypocrisy either as it really is so complex.
There have been a few changes over the years and I wonder too at the change of ghost to spirit – I am guessing that spirit has a more – well, spiritual connotation. 🙂
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Lesley – What a powerful discussion of life, of love, of loss and of the connections among generations. You’ve also captured beautifully how ritual helps us feel that.
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Thank you Margot – yes, it somehow gives comfort. I was thinking the same.
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