I haven’t been posting a lot lately, and I have only now discovered why. It wasn’t until I came across this ‘illumination’ on FaceBook (Illuminating Souls), from one of the pages I follow, that clarity set in. I have been busy lighting fires. While much of my art and writings are based on some personal experiences and emotions, I am not entirely transparent in details and by choice will keep it that way. Maybe this stems from shyness, my Celtic heritage, or something more profound, but I prefer that most of my laundry goes into the drier rather than out on the line.
One day she decided to gather up all the sad stories she told about her life and release them in a big bonfire. She sent the sparks and ash to the heavens where they were transformed with divine love. She declared the past complete and spread a blanket of love & amnesty over every morsel of her life.
A cheer went up in the heavens and the angels rejoiced. The girl had found her way to her light. And with a giggle and a twirl, she set sail for new adventures.
So, all of my sadness related to tremendous losses (and I DO mean plural), led to a severe lack of definition of self. My definition of self has been shrouded in a gambit of serious emotions. Emotions that encompassed the seven stages of grief and one or two more just to drive the point home. Everyone trudges through at their own pace and there is no one person who can or has the right to dictate that pace, except the person experiencing it.
The Stages – Shock,
denial, pain, guilt, anger, bargaining, depression, reflection, loneliness, upward turn, reconstruction, acceptance, hope.
In my particular case I can knock some off because as I mentioned there are a few that I could also add in. I am not in denial, and I don’t feel guilty, nor do I find bargaining a particularly useful thing to do (who do you bargain with?), and although I know it is said that acceptance is vital, there are just some things that I will likely never accept.
My definition has become but a shadow of my former self and yet I now find it suits me. I have found myself something like a teenager would when entering adulthood. Backing me up is a wealth of experience, memories and know how (wisdom? 🙂 ) and in front of me is a life defined by only me. And I can giggle again without a bout of tears following.
Let the new adventures begin! and the next stage be lit by a bonfire at the beach! I thought I would add that little piece of wishing just in case …
Lesley Fletcher is a writer (freelance, books, content, lyrics,stage plays) as well as a visual artist specializing in monoprints. To learn more about her please visit the tabs here on WordPress or her website at http://www.LesleyFletcher.com